Red Alert.......

…..is an expression that I heard too much while watching Star Trek reruns the past 30 years.
There is a difference between “Red Alert” and “Code Red”

The msMaasdam is in a state of Code Red presently, which is a heightened health emergency due to widespread gastrointestinal disorder (“GID”) -- by “widespread” is meant only 1 to 2 % of everyone on board, but it’s enough to justify stringent measures to stop this highly contagious situation. Guys in surgical masks are 24/7 walking around with antiviral spray wiping down bannisters, doorknobs, pretty much every touchable square inch of the ship. The food in the upstairs buffet is now handed to the guests by gloved employees, transparent cellophane sheets keep the guest from touching the grub.

I sent an email to Dawn yesterday, mistakenly saying the ship is in Red Alert, conjuring images of a cruiseship battling Klingon spaceships in the 23rd century.

The GID crisis put a damper on tonight’s Name that Tune, conducted by Yours Truly in the Piano Bar. By the time the captain declared Red Alert, er, I mean Code Red, my name was already in the daily program >>“Name That Tune with Pianoman Steve” at 9:45.
But suddenly, the use of pencils and paper by guests in the PianoBar was a health hazard, now forbidden because of Red Alert, er, I mean Code Red. Instead of playing 20 tunes and having people write down their answers, it had to be a “shout out the answer” Name That Tune.
Using the theme of “Song Titles That Have the Name of an Animal” the tunes were --
Glow Worm
The Birds and the Bees
Yogi Bear Theme
Muskrat Love
Stray Cat Strut
Crocodile Rock
Hot Diggety Dog Diggety
Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer

“Rudolph” and “Muskrat Love” were the easiest, requiring only 4 notes each.
Prizes for these contests are cheapo -- coffee mugs, key chains, umbrellas (each with the ship logo)…….
…….tonight it was “squishy ships” -- little ship replicas, mad of soft solid rubber, fits in your hand >> supposedly you squeeze it to relieve tension…..they used to manufacture rubber balls for that purpose? Keep it in your front pants pocket? Is that a squishy ship in your pocket or are you happy to see me? (haha)

For the third time during this particular 7-day cruise, I’m being assigned to be a “Tour Escort” -- tomorrow at 10:30 AM. This Tour Escort thing is a VERY sweet deal. Excursions that guests pay for, I go on for free, in return for my critique of the tour. (how was the tour guide, how clean was the bus, were the guests annoyed about anything, what time did the bus arrive here, depart there, etc etc) I fill out a form provided by the Excursion Desk on the ship.
Tomorrow it’s a “2-hour coastal cruise on a beautifully restored 3-masted schooner” in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

Remember that Dylan tune with chorus “Everybody must get stoned” ? Well I’ll be digging up the lyrics to that for tomorrow night, by request. It’s the latest in a string of artistic gems I’ve applied to this gig >> “Purple People Eater”, “Mustang Sally”, “If I had a Hammer”, “Zippety DooDah“. Coming soon : “Wooly Bully”.
As for that guitarist who died a few days ago, I know Diddley Squat about his music.

Lock in phasers, Mr. Sulu