Guest Entertainers

It’s always seemed to me that the best job on the ship is that of Guest Entertainer. Reportedly they get paid well, better than me anyway, and they have a ridiculous amount of days off.

The ship must put something different in the Showroom every night of a cruise. The problem is partially solved by a small troupe of young singers and dancers called the “cast”, who stay on the ship for contracts of many months. Typically they have four “prepared shows”, sung and choreographed to taped tracks. The shows are produced by a big company called Stiletto, which rehearses all the performers in Los Angeles. Then the singers and dancers are packaged as troupes and sent off to any one of the 14 Holland America ships.

They can’t be repeating shows during a cruise, so a troupe will perform only four nights per cruise, whether it’s a 7-day cruise or a 20-day cruise. If it’s a 20-day cruise, they get 16 nights off, and other entertainment is needed to cover those 16 days.

And so there are comics, jugglers, singers, instrumental virtuosos, brought to the ship in strategic cities with good airports. On this South American itinerary, there have been many large gaps between cities with good airports. If a guest entertainer boards in Buenos Aires, the most financially feasible thing may be to keep him on the ship a week or more, even if he’s featured only one night.

Or maybe one-and-one-third nights. On a guest entertainer’s featured night he does his 45-minute show at 8PM and 10PM. Then, many nights later, he may participate in 8PM and 10PM “Variety Shows” with two other Guest Entertainers, chipping in a previously unseen 15-minute performance.

I’ve now come to understand that all the idle days on the ship are not necessarily wanted, and may be seen as a necessary inconvenience. Some of these Guest Entertainers don’t particularly like cruising, or may be bored with the itinerary, and would just as soon disembark after their performance is done.

A few years ago I was a little more unsure about my standing in the entertainment pecking order, and would shy away from chatting with a Guest Entertainer, especially when they were chatting with each other in a group.

To be sure, my status is different from theirs in many ways. Technically I’m “crew” and they’re not. When I’m in a public area I’m supposed wear a crew nametag, which they don’t have. On the other hand, I never wear the nametag while on the job. There I’m an entertainer “in costume” as I see it, and the nametag would be silly and inappropriate.

On the Ryndam gig two years ago I struck up a friendship with a comic named Janine. She dropped in on the piano bar on her many off nights, and quickly found out that I played Scrabble. She actually expected it, having met other pianist / Scrabble players elsewhere, and we played quite a few games in the library during her time on the ship. She is very down to earth, which is reflected in her brand of humor both on and off-stage. But when she was “talking shop” with other Guest Entertainers I suddenly felt out of place. After two years of not seeing her, she turned up here on the Veendam a few months ago and it was Scrabble Time all over again.

In all my previous contracts, my cabin was down on B Deck with the other crew. However this ship underwent a renovation last year which made the piano bar a more high-profile place, much more exposed to passenger traffic. And in a stunning recent development, I was assigned a cabin on the 6th Deck, on “Guest Entertainer Row”. A bigger cabin, with a bathtub ( I hear I can sell “bathtub time” to other crew people). Although I’m still crew, the new cabin is an official shift in status, a new Veendam policy.

But policies can differ from one HAL ship to another, from one piano bar situation to another. My next contract, if on a different ship, could send me right back down to B Deck again. So I’ll appreciate this while I have it.

One of my neighbors is a classically trained pianist named Juan Pablo. Cuban, long hair, ridiculously buff body, thick accent, and an exciting 45-minute show. He managed to string two cruises together, so he’s been here two weeks, with at least another week to go. Actually I met him on another contract a while back, but we’ve gotten pretty friendly lately.

This despite his reclusiveness. On his many off-days and off-nights, he hangs out in his cabin, orders room service, practices his electric piano, and goes unseen for days. This may have to do with his difficulty in speaking English . No Scrabble games with Juan Pablo. It also has to do with his seriousness about his craft. For the next few days he’ll be in an uptight “must practice must practice” mode, and will stay that way until his next actual Showroom performance, which won’t be for another few days. He doesn’t know the actual date yet, and this makes him even more neurotic.

After he finally does perform, the pressure is finally off, and he can relax for a few days until his next performance starts creeping up on him, or completely relax if he’s finished his contract.

He can play circles around me, but he’s intrigued by the spontaneous musicmaking in the piano bar every night. And as a pianist, he has an appreciation of what it requires. He certainly doesn’t want my gig, it’s way too many nights of work without a night off. Although the ship has to put something different in the Showroom every night of a cruise, it’ll be the same old Steve in the piano bar every night. A familiar face, hopefully doing things a little differently and unpredictably each time.

Pianobar players have been known to make the Big Switch over to the Showroom. Devise a show, invest in charts for the orchestra, and come up a videotaped performance of oneself in front of a Showroom-sized audience, and sell it. And, as Juan Pablo said, don’t try to be anyone else, no matter how successful Someone Else may be. In my case, do what I do best, and somehow fit it into a Showroom setting.

And don’t try to sell it to Holland America. They’re already quite happy to have me in the piano bar. Which actually makes sense. Why tamper with a good pianoman situation with HAL? This Showroom whim should be pursued elsewhere. Quite an interesting star to reach for. I’ll be delighted if it works out. I could use the extra money, a few more nights off, and whatever buzz comes from playing to 600 people in a Showroom.